The Bluffington Roach exists today because my passion led me to cross paths with one of the greatest minds of our time — none other than the late, great J.B. Bluffington. About three years ago, I read his book: What’s Wrong with Ya’ll Niggas? Get Your Shit Together!. The book had such a profound impact on me, that I decided to reach out to Mr. Bluffington. And, as fate would have it, I wound up studying under his tutelage up until the time he died seven months ago.
He schooled me on so many different things. He introduced me to a whole new paradigm for viewing the world. And, even though he was always the teacher in my eyes, we interacted as if we were intellectual equals — like life-long friends really.
A few months before Mr. Bluffington passed away, he started badgering me about starting my own news publication. I was reporting for the Macrapolis Tribune at the time. Even with the newspaper industry in flux, I felt more certain about my job there than I did about my own ability to build something. I didn’t feel like I was ready. He kept pressing me about it, and I kept coming up with excuses not to do it.
Finally about two weeks before his death, he called me over to his house to pick up “something very important.” He handed me an envelope and told me not to open it until I got home. He must have known he was very sick at that point. I noticed that he seemed under-the-weather, but I figured that he had a regular ol’ cold or something. He went into the hospital one week later. The next week he was gone.
In that envelope was a check with a memo, which simply read: “It’s time.” Now we’re here today, and The Bluffington Roach is finally up and running.
BluffRo investigates the most pressing and pertinent news concerning our people and the city at-large. Right now, our editorial staff is only a two-person band. It consists of me and the photographer, De’ Finley Notsquiat. So, we’re forced to focus more on quality than quantity. We do in-depth and thoughtful reporting.
We’re not here to con you out of your time. All we want is $8.89 in exchange for access to our hard work. It was really David Banner’s 2M1 movement that inspired us to structure the site like this. The goal of his movement was to get two million people to give at least $1 for his mix-tape, which he put album-like effort and resources into creating.
If you like what we do than $9 shouldn’t be much for you to give. To put things in perspective, $9 is pretty much half of a drink at the club, $2 less than a ticket for a matinee movie, three one-way trips on the train, a few blocks in a yellow cab, or two bootleg movies for a bargain price.
Macrapolis is one of the world’s foremost breeding grounds for dopeness and has been described as the cultural capital of the world. The city’s dopeness impacts commerce, finance, media, art, fashion, research, technology, education, and entertainment on a global scale.
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It’s just jokes
We sincerely hope you have already realized this by now, but in case you have not, The Bluffington Roach is a satirical and fictionally-based online news parody magazine. In other words, the stories are fake.
The sole purpose of the site is entertainment and amusement. The majority of characters and institutions appearing in this work, even those based on real public persons and well-known institutions, are fictitious. Any resemblance to real private persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. We occasionally use real-life public officials, public figures, and/or institutions in stories. Any references and/or storylines surrounding them are purely fictional and satirical.
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You’re welcome to use some foul language, but if we feel that you’ve crossed the line by demeaning, threatening, or harassing other users, we reserve the right to remove the user-generated content. We also reserve the right to terminate your account and prohibit your access to the site, without refund, if any of the Terms of Service are violated.
User-Generated Content: We don’t give a shit about your story ideas!
We don’t give a shit about yours story ideas. If you decide to be an asshole and offer up ideas anyway, remember that anything users publish to the site, or send to us through other channels of communication (email or social media for example) will be made available to Bluffington Roach Media for unconditional use. You waive any rights to user-generated content submitted to Bluffington Roach Media. We reserve the right to edit, remove, modify, publish, transmit, and display that content in any manner we choose.
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Privacy: We try to mind our own damn business!
Recently Updated: 9/18/2014
Previously Updated: 3/5/2014
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