Sit Down With Leeann Cherry, Author of “Swiss Army Cock: Becoming the Men She Always Wanted You To Be”

Promo art from Leeann Cherry's newest book Swiss Army Cock Becoming the Men She Always Wanted You to Be .

Promo art from Leeann Cherry’s newest book Swiss Army Cock: Becoming the Men She Always Wanted You to Be.

We recently had the opportunity to speak with renowned psychologist and soon-to-be published author, Leeann Cherry, about her upcoming book Swiss Army Cock: Becoming the Men She’s Always Wanted You to Be, which is set for release next month.

The book identifies 821 common, and often conflicting, characteristics that women desire for their men to embody. And, it offers a step-by-step guide on how to convince men to embrace them all.

(Editor’s Note: Some of the interview has been edited for brevity and clarity)

The Bluffington Roach: Let’s talk about your upcoming book, Swiss Army Cock: Becoming the Men She’s Always Wanted You to Be.

Leeann Cherry: I’d love to. I’ve put a lot of work into this book, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to talk about it with such a respected news organization.

BluffRo: Let’s jump right into this. How the heck did this book come about?

Cherry: Well, I’m a certified psychologist, specializing in couples’ therapy. I’ve had my own practice for more than a decade. Early on in the profession, I realized that one of the biggest causes of dysfunction in a relationship is a man’s unwillingness to be everything a woman wants him to be.

So, for the past seven years I’ve been fine-tuning methods of getting men to realize that it’s absolutely reasonable, and not at all ridiculous, for them to be everything that their woman desires for them to be — at every given moment of any given day. Not only is this possible, but it’s necessary for a healthy relationship.

I’ve gotten such positive feedback from the women whose men I’ve treated over the years. They kept telling me ‘You need to write a book. You need to write a book.’ And, what do you know? Just a few years later, Swiss Army Cock is here.

BluffRo: A lot of people would disagree with the notion that a man can offer everything that a woman needs, or thinks she needs, from him. Especially when some of the qualities that women say they’re looking for in a man, directly conflict with one another.

In fact, you list a bunch of contradicting desires in your book. Here are a few examples of contradictions that you say a man can easily overcome:

I want a man who’s rough-and-tumble, but also mild-mannered, sensitive, and non-confrontational.
I want a man who’s dedicated to building his career but has lots of free time to spend with me throughout the week.
I want a god-fearing man who’s free-minded enough to think like an atheist.
I want a man who maintains an orderly, organized, and tightly run life, but who’s also spontaneous and not attached to any particular schedule.
I want a man who loves pizza but isn’t afraid to hate cheese and tomato sauce.

Cherry: Listen. We all know that men are stubborn. (Laughs). My book is here to help men put their stubbornness aside and stop trying to figure out why their women want them to like apple juice but hate apples and juice. And instead, figure out how to like apple juice but hate apples and juice. You understand what I’m saying?

BluffRo: No I don’t. This sounds more and more stupid the further you explain it. But, maybe things will become more clear when you breakdown some of the techniques you use to teach men how to deal with such conflicting requests.

Cherry: I’m not seeing how this is so confusing for you, but I’m sure a better understanding of the reprogramming sessions will help. So, bas…

BluffRo: Reprogramming? That sounds really disturbing and rather unethical. Don’t you think?

Cherry: It’s really way more harmless than it sounds. It’s a simple series of exercises that work to slightly readjust the existing thought patterning in a man’s brain. It enables men to live up to all the expectations that women heap on them.

BluffRo: You’ve actually managed to make the whole process sound even creepier than it did before. It sounds more like you’re creating a super-cyborg rather than a better partner.

Cherry: That’s in no way the intention of the book. Again, it’s about preparing men to be whatever a woman wants them to be based on the mood that the woman is in at any given moment. It only seems unnatural because society breeds us to believe that it’s “normal” to have a fairly consistent personality. But, God blesses us with the ability to be more flexible than that.

This is about helping men turn something that’s sounds totally illogical on the surface into something logical in reality.

BluffRo: I’m going to run this audio back for you after the interview so you can hear what you’re saying out of your mouth.

Cherry: You’re working really hard to complicate this aren’t you? My program is non-invasive. Basically the brain is a super computer that runs via electricity. As with any electronic device, the brain can be manipulated to create desired responses, blah, blah, blah, blah…just some harmless mind manipulation you know? Usually, I administer electromagnetic therapy at the office, but the same goals can be achieved by anyone who has access to an LCD monitor and a purchased copy of my therapeutic Swiss Army Cock training DVD.

BluffRo: You’re a renowned therapist?

Cherry: Music Therapy is also a part of the program. In order to mimic the effects of a woman requesting her man to do, and be, multiple things all at once, I do a Rapid Genre Changing exercise. During RGC exercises, men must try their hardest to dance rhythmically to a certain song until it changes. Each song usually lasts for three to six seconds before a new song comes on that has a completely different tempo and belongs to a completely different genre.

Men have to remember that it’s not about the metaphorical DJ changing her tempo to a more sensible pace. It’s about staying in step with her rhythm no matter how ridiculously off-beat it gets.

BluffRo: You don’t sound like a couples’ therapist mam. You sound more like a mid-20th century mind-control scientist. And, quite frankly, I’m really uncomfortable talking to you right now. My better instincts are urging me to end this conversation, but I’m dying to ask you just one more question:

In all the years that you’ve been counseling couples, you’ve never once advised a woman to take some time alone to figure out what it is that she’s truly looking for in a man?

Cherry: To that, I ask you this: is chivalry dead? Is society so chauvinistic? Are men so stubborn? So selfish? So selfish, that they can’t give basic brain reprogramming a try? What does love even mean anymore?

I have a dream. I have a dream that one day the question will no longer be: what can a woman do for herself in a relationship? And instead be: what can a man do to accommodate her every whim?

BluffRo: Your thought process alarms me…

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