An irrationally strong nigga wears jean-shorts and a wife beater while selling cold waters on Goodship Ave. in Clarkelyn. *Photo by D.M. Notsquiat.
Friends and family think he’s insane. But, one Clarkelyn man is on a mission to accomplish the impossible. He wants to make jorts popular during the summertime again.
George James — a 26-year-old native of East Macrapolis, Clarkelyn — is determined to bring the look back. He believes that jorts, also known as jean-shorts, could be the last best weapon against the mass infiltration of feminine clothing into the wardrobes of men throughout the world.
“We’re living in grave times,” James tells The Bluffington Roach. “This clothing item could very well decide, once and for all, whether men are going to dress like actual men during the summertime or whether they’re going to dress like promiscuous teenage girls.”
James wasn’t initially alarmed by the fall of jorts. In fact, he was quite comfortable with the rise of cargo shorts in their place. He felt that cargo shorts worked well with tighter fitting tees and button-ups. But, he’s seen how rapidly that style has devolved into deep V-necks, testes-cutter cargos, and nut-hugger ca-pants.
“When I saw Dwyane Wade show up to that playoff game last season dressed like Tamar Braxton and Russell Westbrook dressed like a trendy sperm cell, I was compelled to act,” James says. “I can’t cure the entire epidemic alone, but I believe that the return of regular-sized jean-shorts could be monumental.”
James is steadfast in his quest to propel the antiquated wardrobe item back into popularity. But, he knows that jorts have fallen far from grace over the last decade.
Jorts reached their pinnacle of popularity during the early 2000s. Although the style was quite popular long before that time period, the early 2000s were something of a golden era for jorts. Clothing stores were stocked to the brim with numerous different styles of jean-shorts — from sandblasted jorts to NBA-patched ones.
Many anthropologists cite rapper 50 Cent as the last real star to make jorts a serious part of his summer wardrobe. The return and rise of tight-ass clothing, which began during the latter part of the last decade, has rendered jorts nearly obsolete.
There are still isolated pockets of men around the city who have remained loyal to the jort. Pretty much any man between 31-44-years-old isn’t afraid to dust off an old pair of jorts and rock them with a pair of Air Force 1s with yellowing soles.
Men over 47-years-old are the only guys who still go out and actually purchase new pairs of jean-shorts. They iron them extremely well and rock them with a pair of clean white socks and a pair of lily-white, off-brand sneakers.
It’s a guarantee during the summertime to see at least one unnecessarily strong nigga wearing a pair of jorts, some Timberland boots, and a wife-beater — or no shirt at all. But, even he only wears that outfit when he’s at the playground doing bar-workouts or selling cold water to oncoming traffic.
James is happy that there are still portions of the population who rock jorts in the summer. But, he understands that if he really wants to bring the look back he’ll have to target 13-26-year-olds. It’s this demographic that truly moves the needle on what’s hot.
In order to reach fellow members of his generation, James has come up with ways to help modernize jorts. First and foremost, he realizes that, on average, t-shirts were five-to-six times larger back when jorts were last popular.
Thus, he proposes that clothing manufactures redesign jorts to fit more like regular-sized cargo shorts do today. This way, they can fit neatly with tighter fitting V-Necks and collared shirts.
James is cautiously optimistic that this strategy can work, but he knows that better fitting jean-shorts could quickly morph into mid-thigh pum-pum jorts. Or, into something even worse: jean-skirts.
The second phase of his strategy is to reach out to young entertainers and athletes and convince them to bring the trend back to its former glory. James is challenging his generation to stand up and take action now — before things get too out of hand.
“God is calling us to take a stand, So future generations of grown men don’t have to dress like pre-pubescent girls headed to a Lil-Twist concert,” James says. “If we don’t fight for jorts and manhood today, all could be lost tomorrow.”
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